Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
