You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
