he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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