I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
