Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
