this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize