i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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