There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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