We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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