Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
