She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
