Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
