I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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