This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
