im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sponge bath it is.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
