i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
