mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
