i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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