does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
