I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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