whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
