you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
