I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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