you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Blood and glitter go together right?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
be right there i have to get my cape
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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