i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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