Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
