I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
