Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
