my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize