I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
