Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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