Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
