During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize