you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
