Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
