So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
