I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize