I wanna passion pit in your ass
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
