2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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