I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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