How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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