This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
