I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
