Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I believe in your delicious
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
