Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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