are you so shy because you have an std?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
