im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
