you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
