We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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