hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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