His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
