Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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