i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
