bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
