So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he's gonorrhea incarnate
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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