You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
