I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
