She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
