Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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