Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize