how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
