No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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