My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
