Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
