she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
