Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
