Will you blow on my dice?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
