i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
