well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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