Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
