this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
