I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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