I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
