you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
do herpes really smell.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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