I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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