he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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