ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she told me i tasted like america
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
