Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
