It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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