I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
