his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
