your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
